Column: Helen Jansen is passionate about the Waitaki, the place and the people. Here she has her “people” hat on, as a coach for wellbeing, performance and relationship  development, working towards helping the Waitaki community with their mental fitness.

What affects our mental fitness?

When you put your hand near a hot stovetop what do you do? Take it off as fast as possible or you’ll get harmed. In the same way, when our mental fitness is poor, our negative emotions flag, and we are at risk of being taken over by them. 

How good do you feel in yourself when that happens? What results do you get in the long term, and how well do you develop relationships?

When do negative emotions show up? 

Shame, guilt, greed, embarrassment, fear, anger or jealousy tell us that we are about to be consumed by our “judge”. 

Generally, when you are judging or feel judged. You’ll recognise the judge: “You are not enough” somehow. 

Not good enough, not qualified enough, not tall enough, not tidy enough, not experienced enough. 

When you are judging others, they are those things.

Situations come under the hammer: “It’s too hot, too cold, too close, too far, not enough space, not enough people, not enough… 

The judge doesn’t show up alone. There is generally a posse of saboteurs in tow. How many of these responses are familiar?

• If I don’t do it, it won’t get done at all, or well enough!
• It has to be done exactly like this… Oh, It can wait, I’ll finish it later.
• This way isn’t working quick enough, there must be a better way, surely there is another activity I can do to get results quicker.
• The logical way of doing this is (x) because (y)
• How can I help? You’ll feel better when…
• And that’s alright, I’ll do that, I know that’s just how they like it.
• It’s not my fault, I didn’t get the information in time.
• I got an A last time I must get an A+ this time and then go on to get the next qualification 
• I am only worthy when I am at the top of the ladder.

Do you recognise any of these in others, or yourself?

Through factor analysis, nine ways of undermining ourselves have been identified by Shirzad Chamine in his book Positive Intelligence (2012). And how do you prevent this team of saboteurs from destroying your wellbeing, undermining your performance or upsetting your relationships?

The trick is to know when your hand is coming near the hot stove. Can you feel when these emotions are overtaking you? 

If you can, you are on the right road, now do some of those mental fitness reps. 

Pause, focus only on the feeling of the temperature of the air going up your nose and then down again, feel the rising and falling of your stomach or chest as you breathe, and then feel the weight of your feet on the ground or your seat in the chair. 

Do this sort of activity until the saboteurs have left and you return to feeling positive. You have just boosted your mental fitness.

In my next article, I shall explain how this is growing the tissue in the brain, why the emotions change and what happens when you consciously choose to strengthen your mental fitness rather than allow your emotions to engulf you.

Helen Jansen

Coaching for wellbeing, performance

and relationship development

[email protected]